Lose 10 lbs. in 30 Days: The First Weigh In

Written by Don P on . Posted in Challenge #3 (2015)

(Reading time: 1 - 2 minutes)

A lethal side effect of our modern society being full of cheap, deliciously fatty foods and sedentary hobbies is the rate of obesity American's face. According to 2013 CDC statistics, a little of 2/3 of American adults are overweight: 1/3 are obese. 1/4 are Mama June from Honey Boo Boo.

Mama June Honey Boo Boo

Don't worry, she can't read.

Over the last few years, I realized I was slowly transitioning from man to manatee, especially since my daughter was born and I don't have time for the gym, but even more specifically over the last few weeks with the holiday season. Oh, pumpkin pie. I just can't quit you!

So with the holiday mantra of "finish your food or baby Jesus will be sold to pedophiles" (or something like that), my weight has been in a constant state of flux, generally floating in the sea between Perfectly Acceptable Key and Port Fatass of Lardland. You shouldn't be surprised my gut starting ballooning like Kanye West's ego. I'm not trying to get ripped, but it would be nice if I could drink a 6 pack of beer and not have to worry about my stomach jiggling for more than 5 seconds after I sneeze.

January 2nd Starting Weight: 252.5 lbs

I'll apologize in advance that this month won't contain all the glitz, glamour, celebration, and perfectly timed commercial breaks like The Biggest Loser. But here we go anyway. In the name of consistency, I'll weigh in every Friday night at the same time, wearing the same clothes, on the same scale, and sporting the same attitude and mental thought: "When the fuck can I eat pie again!?"

252.5 Pounds

The image is a little dark, but that definitely says "252.5" — hold off the "fatty" comments until the end of this challenge. Fortunately for me I'm 6-foot-2 and can carry it pretty well, but according to most "ideal weight calculators" I should tip the scales around between 155 and 194 pounds, turning me into DJ Qualls. There's a better chance of me growing breasts — sweet, supple, beer-filled breasts. What were we talking about again?

January 9th Current Weight:

249 Pounds

BOOM! There you have it, bitches. 3.5 pounds in 7 days! And you want to know my secret? Cut out the crappy food. I'll provide more details on that later. But for now I'm going to celebrate with a rice cake and coconut water! Just kidding (but not really).

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