The Second Weigh-In and The Secret Formula for Weight Loss

Written by Don P on . Posted in Challenge #3 (2015)

(Reading time: 1 - 2 minutes)
Crazy Math Problem

Another week down and some more pounds lost. Before I start revealing the "secret sauce" (mmm, sauce) behind my recent weight loss, let's take a gander at this week's results. Last week, I creaked the scales at a whopping 249 pounds. I say "creaked" in the literal sense because the scale actually fucking creaks when I step on its non-inviting white metal casing. Talk about throwing salt in the wound (mmm, salt).

Here we go:

  • Starting weight: 252.5 lbs
  • Last week: 249.0 lbs.
  • This week: 247.5 lbs.
  • Total loss for the month: 5.0 lbs.

247 Pounds

BOOM! That means with this month half over, I'm precisely on track to reach 10 pounds by the end of the month. I'll get into very specific details about the lifestyle changes I've made and how I've accomplished this so far in a post next week, but in the meantime...

The Secret Formula for Weight Loss

Unless you have a preexisting medical condition that causes weight gain — such as hyperthyroidism, Cushing's Syndrom, or Lazy-Assitis — you can lose weight. Depending on age, you may have a more difficult time losing weight than your teenage counterpart, but that doesn't mean you can't.

Here it is, the magic bullet that will take you from Jessica Simpson (circa 2012) to Jessica Simpson in "Dukes of Hazzard." Or if you're a guy, from a fat dude to a skinny dude [I'm horrible with male visuals].

Jessica Simpson

What was I talking about again?

Ah, yes. The mysterious enigma that eludes so many of us. This monstrosity of a calculation must be bigger than the introduction image, takes 3 scientists to quantify, and makes Stephen Hawkins even more crippled. Right?

Calories Burned > Calories Consumed = Weight Loss.

That's it! You create a caloric deficit by eating less and moving more, and you lose fat. It's that simple. Think I'm fucking with your head? Then take Mark Haub for example. A professor of nutrition at Kansas State University who lost 27 pounds eating Twinkies, Oreos and Doritos. Basically a typical college freshman's diet.

How'd he do it? He limited himself to 1,800 calories a day versus the 2,600 calories per day he was eating before this diet. Even though it was shitty, sugary food, the weight still came off; proving that portion control has a HUGE impact on your weight loss goals.

So, now can you guess how I'm losing weight? More details to come.


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