The Kettlebell Swings

Written by Don P on . Posted in Challenge #6

(Reading time: 1 - 2 minutes)
DonDoes30.com - Chuck Norris Approved

Kettlebell swings provide you with the unique ability to experience what it would be like to flail around with 35 lb. testicles all day — otherwise known as "The Chuck Norris Experience."

There is no technique really. The goal is to dry hump the air as furiously as David Duchovny in "Californication" without causing your arms to tear from their sockets due to something called "inertia." This is a full body workout as much as you can imagine swinging a cannonball around the room would be.

The only helpful hint I received from a friend was, "You have to be EXPLOSIVE and AGGRESSIVE, but at the same time be CALM and RELAXED." That's way too contrarian for me. That's like saying, "Take a nap while screaming at the top of your lungs."

The kettlebell is just a tool — nothing more — and will depend solely on the user how effective that kettlebell is. For instance, even a dildo in the right hands could be used kill a man. How you move with the kettlebell will determine the difference between getting in shape or a disastrous injury (including dismemberment). The handicapped, elderly, and pregnant should not use kettlebells.


The Definitive Guide to Kettlebell Swings

  1. Let's start from the ground up. Make sure your feet are the correct width apart. Too close and you’ll spike that bell right into your nuts.
  2. Squat down with arms extended downward and grasp the kettlebell handle with both hands.
  3. Now simply hike the bell backwards. The swing should have more force on the backswing than on the upswing so don’t be shy, but be mindful of your taint.
  4. Pop your hips forward. This should be a forceful pop that the momentum of your hips swings the kettlebell like a pendulum back upwards to about shoulder level. DO NOT perform a shoulder raise — this is where the "calm and relaxed" advice comes into play. The kettlebell should rise on its own.
  5. Have gravity naturally lower the kettlebell back down and repeat.

Still having issues? I've included the instructional picture below or you check out the video of the "Onnit Primal Challenge" from a previous post.

DonDoes30.com - Woman Kettlebell Swing I could watch her do this all day.

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