If asked 10 years ago, my favorite show of all time would have undoubtedly been ABC's Lost. And yes, I was one of the few proponents that stuck with the series until the end, clinging on to the hope that we would all be mollified with answers. But that all changed when Bryan Cranston's drug dealing character "Walter Walt" made Al Pacino's character "Tony Montana" look like a Sunday school teacher with a mild anger problem.
If you haven't seen Breaking Bad (I really don't understand how you couldn't by now), you must. In fact, get the fuck off the computer or put down your smartphone and start the series right now, because not only will I be talking a lot about Breaking Bad this month, but there will also be spoilers aplenty. Starting now...
Breaking Bad Plot
Breaking Bad centers around methamphetamine, an insufficient health care system, and collective fan hatred towards Skylar White (Walter's wife). God, she was an insufferable bitch! Because seriously, Skylar, fuck you for trying to get in the way of a man whose ambition in life is to make your family a shit ton of money by ruining the lives of millions. (Sorry, I digress.)
Every episode we're reminded that each and every last one of us is just one cancerous tumor away from becoming a relentless and unstoppable drug lord. Why? Because if the dad from Malcolm in the Middle can do it, why can't we?
Breaking Bad Characters
Walter White starts the series so innocuous and unassertive that you wouldn't be surprised if he were the type of guy to get a city permit to organize his underwear drawer. Not long after, he catches a case of the cancers which has him questioning his life, especially the legacy and financial support — or lack thereof — he would be leaving his wife and children. His impending death will leave them so poor they'll get most of their nutrition from turning tricks with Wendy the Whore. So, he figures in the few months he has left on this earth, he'll be able to make a cool million buckaroos and nab him like 15 Emmy nominations.
Walt's partner in crime (literally) is an ex-student of his named Jesse Pinkman. His most ambitious project up until this point is figuring out that manner in which he could use the word, "Bitch," for all 8 parts of speech. Before that, if you peruse his wall of lifetime participation ribbons, it would start at "Dodged wire hanger" and end somewhere around "Applied for 'THE CAPN' vanity license plate."
Agent Hank Schrader
The person pursuing Jesse and Walt is none other than Walt's own brother-in-law: DEA Agent Hank Schrader. Hank is so manly he brews his own beer (Schraderbräu!), overcomes paraplegia, guns down hardened criminals, and presumably turns their remains into bratwurst — he does grill a lot. The reason New Mexico does not have any professional sports teams is because they all test positive for elevated levels of testosterone after Hank takes a leak, contaminating the entire state's water supply.
The Series in a Nutshell
Now that you know the three main characters, the story behind it is as outrageous as GTA V. Walt becomes a crystal meth cook; murders a bunch of drug dealers; watches with complacency as Jesse's girlfriend dies; inadvertently kills 167 people in a plane crash; blows up a man in a wheelchair along with his arch-enemy Gus Fring; orchestrates the contract killing of 9 inmates; kidnaps his daughter; and then goes on the lam.
BUT THEN HE RETURNS to set up a drug-money trust for his son, say goodbye to his wife, and gun down the neo-Nazis that stole his money and murdered his brother-in-law Hank. After Walt is struck in the abdomen by a stray bullet, he takes one last nostalgic stroll around the meth lab before dropping dead by his one true love. No, not his wife nor his family. Meth, you idiot.