Challenge - Yoga

Punishment - Yoga Pants

Reward - Sleep

Time Remaining

Challenge Completed


Halfway Through Challenge Two: Yoga

Written by Don P on . Posted in Challenge #2

(Reading time: 3 - 6 minutes) - Ain't Your Mama's Yoga

Fifteen days of yoga so far and still going strong. Blame it on the holidays, but this month has gone by faster than a Birkenstocks sale at a lesbian convention. Given the fact that the only exposure I ever had to yoga was from TV, I had no idea what I was getting into for 30 days when I began this challenge. Like you, I assumed all yoga classes took place in the back of Jamba Juices, everyone wore leotards, stretched every ligament to the brink of nearly snapping, then enjoyed a nice bowl of tempeh before entering a hacky sack tournament. But that would be "your mama's yoga" and we all know this "ain't." This is "Diamond" fucking Dallas Page's yoga.

The Teenage Years

There was a time back in high school when my metabolism was flying higher than Amanda Bynes on New Year's eve. One night I skipped dinner and lost five pounds off of the already skeletal physique I was brandishing. At 6-foot-2 and 143 pounds I looked like I could have been an extra on Sally Struther's "Christian Children's Fund" public service announcements. In fear of losing more weight, I took a "bowling" class online in lieu of actual physical education. Then during my sophomore year of high school I realized girls like muscles. They don't want a guy whose chest you could use to calibrate a carpenter's level. So I started to workout... a lot. I spent more time at the gym than Bruno Mars does brushing his hair every morning. Four, sometimes five days a week I would be pumping iron and eating more food than Kirstie Alley on a weekend bender. By the time I graduated high school I was up to 165 pounds.

Along Came College

For the first two months of my freshman year in college I would regularly saunter off to the gym and keep the same workout regimen as high school. Then I found Vodka... who introduced me to his friend, Rum... who got me acquainted with their lover, Whiskey. The rest is history and you can read all about those years in "From the Bottom of the Bottle". That lifestyle takes its toll though. The human body can only consume so much Budweiser and 3 a.m. trips to Denny's before your metabolism says, "Fuck this shit! I'm out." After a while the "freshman 15" went from myth to reality, and since I technically had two freshman years, there was a second 15 pounds added. But as the saying goes: Three time's a charm. Eventually my body settled at 220 pounds, which was a far cry from when I was 165 a few years earlier. And just like a politician after killing a hooker, I was in denial. There was no question I gained weight, but I didn't look fat; at least I didn't think so. Eventually something had to be done. - Family Guy "You may have killed her when you shoved all those dollar bills down her throat, you may have killed her when you hit her with the stool... I don't know, I'm not a doctor."

The Real World

After college I joined the gym around the corner from my house and worked out at least three or four days a week for about 2 years. There were a few weeks here and there I took off to give my muscles and joints a break, but for the most part I was fully dedicated to lifting again. During a six month period I ate extremely healthy and cut down alcohol intake to once a week (maybe twice for special occasions). I felt better and stronger than ever... and then the ambition petered out. In October 2012, I found out my wife was pregnant and switched my focus to getting ready for the baby. The last day I went to the gym was the week before Thanksgiving that year. Slowly over the course of this past year I began to lose muscle mass, started having back pain, and eventually was drained of all my energy. There is definitely a noticeable difference in overall physical and mental well being when it comes to working out and not. But given the life-changing event of having a child and the fact our newborn daughter has yet to sleep through the night (she's 6 months old now), it's really easy to dismiss working out in favor of laying around as if I were clinically depressed.

The Past 15 Days

The only physical activity I participated in this year prior to yoga was rolling around in my office chair from point A to point B, which was pretty awkward for anyone standing next to me at the urinals in the men's room. If you read the first post I uploaded at the beginning of the month, you'll know I said some pretty snide remarks about how easy yoga is. And it was. For a little while. Each new workout brought a whole new rendition of the same old poses learned in the "Diamond Dozen," bringing every single one to new levels. There are a total of 11 different workouts; I've made it through 5 so far — (in order from easiest to most challenging) Wake Up, Diamond Dozen, Energy, Fat Burner, and Red Hot Core. That's what I like most about DDP Yoga: the system easies you in. As I move through the remaining six workouts, I know that each one will be harder than the last. The suggested workout schedule versus the one I've been following for the last 15 days is below. How do I feel? GREAT! I seriously do. I have a lot more flexibility, energy, focus, and strength, and my lower back doesn't hurt anymore. Furthermore, I've lost 6-7 pounds depending on what scale I use and time of day. Although I feel great now, I hold back enthusiam for the future since I know those last six workouts will be the toughest.

My Schedule (Bold) vs. Suggested Schedule

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat



































WU - Wake Up
DD - Diamond Dozen
E - Energy
FB - Fat Burner
RHC - Red Hot Core


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