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01/30/2014

The 5 Best Schwarzenegger Quotes from "Commando"

Written by Don P on . Posted in Challenge #3

(Reading time: 2 - 4 minutes)
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In the 80's and 90's, Hollywood gave us the most quotable one-liners ever produced from shirtless men — also known as "action heroes" — who could outrun massive explosions on foot, never so much as even be grazed by terrorist's bullet regardless of proximity, and had the uncanny ability to disarm a bomb, any bomb, within the last few seconds of detonation. Where would we be today without, "Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker!" or "I'll be back" or "Say 'ello to my little friend!"?

You could write books on just the quotes Arnold Schwarzenegger, arguably the greatest action star of all time, sputtered out in the 17 action movies he starred in during that era (excluding "Jingle All the Way" because, fuck you. That's why.) And his movie Commando didn't disappoint. Commando follows the same basic plot line of any action movie:

Be an ex-[Marine, CIA agent, mercenary, NYPD cop, bounty hunter, Special Forces agent, or Vietnam veteran], retire to a serene estate under an assumed name in the [mountains, suburbs, city, rural area, or private island], stockpile a shitload of weapons — you know, just in case — in your [tool shed, basement, hidden compartments, garage, attic, safe room, or walls... preferably all of the above], have a [terrorist, ex-partner, or political activist] threaten or kidnap your [girlfriend, wife, son, daughter, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, or cousin... preferably all of the above], come out of retirement and leave behind a higher body count than cancer.

Here's the plot for Commando according to IMDb, "A retired elite Black Ops Commando (Arnold Schwarzenegger) launches a one man war against a group of South American criminals who have kidnapped his daughter (Alyssa Milano) to blackmail him into starting a revolution and getting an exiled dictator back into power." Pretty standard shit and that's all you really need to know to follow along.

#5 "I'll Be Back, Bennett."

Context: Holy shit! I can't believe he said it! The quote that Arnie is probably most famous for from The Terminator is in this movie, though with a little twist. Bennett, who oddly looks like Freddie Mercury with an Australian accent, is Schwarzenegger's ex-partner who betrayed him to the South American dictator and leader of this kidnapping and blackmail extravaganza, Arius.

#4 "You're a Funny Guy Sully, I Like You. That's Why I'm Going to Kill You Last."

Context: Right before Schwarzenegger's about to forcibly board a plane so he can complete the mission requested of him by Arius, Sully, one of Arius's henchman, slips $20 into Schwarzenegger's pocket for "some beers in Val Verde." What a nice fucking guy, who said chivalry was dead? Guess that's why Arnie is going to let him live until the end of the movie. Or is he...

#3 "Remember, Sully, When I Promised to Kill You Last? I Lied."

Context: Of course Schwarzenegger didn't board that plane. He killed some crony escorting him before sneaking into the cargo hold and jumping from the wheel well as the plane was lifting off. From there he tracks down and follows Sully to a stretch of highway along the California coast. He repeatedly bashes his car into Sully's until both men are forced to stop and come face-to-face. Schwarzenegger dangles Sully from the edge of a cliff, taunting him throughout their conversation, then says that line and sends Sully plummeting to his death.

#2 "I Eat Green Berets For Breakfast. And Right Now, I'm Very Hungry!"

Context: Cooke, another henchman, doesn't know Sully is floating in the ocean volunteering his knocked out teeth as fish food. He arrives at the predetermined hotel where he's supposed to be meeting Sully, but wait, Schwarzenegger is already there waiting. A scuffle ensues, but they take a break just long enough for the men to throw some shit talking around —

Cooke: You scared, motherfucker? Well, you should be, because this Green Beret is going to kick your big ass!
Schwarzenegger: I eat Green Berets for breakfast. And right now, I'm very hungry!

Needless to say, Cooke didn't win that fight.

#1 "Let Off Some Stream, Bennett"

Context: Schwarzenegger brings a knife to a gun fight and still wins. That's not even a joke; This is FACT. Bennett had the upper hand with a pistol but for some reason chose to throw it aside and bring out his knife instead of shooting Schwarzenegger right then and claiming victory. But all Schwarzenegger needed was a steel pipe and the cheesiest, most un-intentionally hilarious line to end this movie.

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