We're all still riding pretty high from the 86th Academy Awards that aired last night. The show proved to us that Ellen DeGeneres is one funny, world record-breaking chick; John Travolta can't read a teleprompter through his toupee; Steve McQueen looks a lot different than how my parents remember him; the United States has concluded paying reparations by giving "12 Years a Slave" the Best Picture Oscar; and Barkhad Abdi will soon be adopted by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
While most celebrities were out getting drunk on Leonard DiCaprio's tears — his 4th Oscar snub for anyone who's counting — there are a handful of celebrities whose diet restricts this type of behavior (assuming, of course, Leo's tears have traces of wheat in them for some odd reason). Here are seven gluten-free celebrities:
NOTE TO SELF: Work on better segues.
1. Zooey Deschanel
When Zooey Deschanel isn't acting like a child who just swallowed a little too much dishwasher detergent, she follows a strict diet that eliminates eggs, dairy and wheat due to various allergies — not to be quirky.
2. Miley Cyrus
Miley Cyrus tweeted a gluten-free diet was the reason for her weight loss earlier this year. I'm sure dry humping the hem out of Robin Thicke's pants at the VMAs had something to do with it, too. She wrote, "It's not about weight it's about health. Gluten is crapppp anyway!" Gluten is not "crapppp," it's delicious. Miley's music on the other hand...
3. Drew Brees
I'm not a Saints fan by any stretch of the imagination, but Drew Brees in a human cheat code. Depending on what poll you believe, he has been voted as one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time and lead the Saints a victory in Superbowl XLIV. He just can't seem to tackle his gluten allergy. (Nailed it!)
4. Lady Gaga
Dress made of meat? OKAY! Food containing gluten? NOPE! Lady Gaga reportedly cut gluten from her diet in an effort to lose weight, not because she actually had to due to an allergy or disease. Fans of Lady Gaga should just stop eating altogether.
5. Jennifer Esposito
According to her website, Jennifer Esposito suffered through constant stomach pain, weakness and weight loss before being diagnosed with celiac disease — which is pretty much how I feel when watching her act.
6. Billy Bob Thornton
Speaking of the Oscars, Billy Bob Thornton was nominated for an Oscar for his portrayal of Karl Childers in 1996's "Sling Blade" and has pretty much stayed in character ever since. He was rumored to have gotten the part of Freddy Krueger for the 2010 reboot of "A Nightmare on Elm Street," but presumably lost the roll since no one plays a lead roll in their own biopic.
7. Elisabeth Hasselbeck
Thankfully I've never watched a single episode of "The View" in my entire life. (Hey, maybe that should be a 30 Day Challenge!) Here's what I know about Elisabeth Hasselbeck: she's insane and her hair started to fall out "in clumps" because of starvation while filming the TV show Survivor. Also, she wrote, "The G-Free Diet." Extra points for the duckface book cover.