Gluten-Free Diet: What I Can't Eat

Maybe that graphic is a little dramatic, but for the past 7 days I've had to Google every single item of food I was about to eat in order to make sure the contents are in line with my 30-day challenge of giving up gluten. You would be amazed how quick Google learns to auto-suggests "gluten free?" at the end of every "is [insert any food item]" — go ahead and try it.
To all you legitamate Celiac sufferers out there, you have my complete sympathy. I've compiled an exhaustive list of shit that you can't eat while following a gluten-free diet. And since your body has turned on you and decided that it doesn't want to handle a common occurring amino acid like gluten, and would just rather shit uncontrollably and kill your unborn children, you should probably consider avoiding the following:
Foods to Avoid
Grains and Starches
Wheat; flour; whole wheat flour; white flour;
bromated flour; enriched flour; phosphated flour;
self-rising flour; graham flour; durum flour;
semolina; wheat germ; bran; bulgur (tabbouleh);
kamut; wheat berries; couscous; spelt; faro; emmer;
einkorn; triticale; atta; dinkel.
Rye; rye flour; rye bread
Barley; pearl barley; barley groats; barley flakes
Oats; oat groats; oat fiber; oat bran; oat flour
Many cereals; pasta; macaroni; noodles; spaghetti;
farina; cream of wheat; dumplings; bread; bakery
bread; rolls; stuffing; cake; crackers; muffins;
pastries; biscuits; melba toast; zwieback; rusk;
matzo; waffles; pancakes; donuts; prepared mixes;
pretzel
Drinks
Instant coffee; instant tea; some herbal teas; instant
cocoa with grains added.
Malted milk; Ovaltine; chocolate or flavored milk
with cereal fillers added; rice or soy beverages using
barley enzymes.
Beverages with flavoring syrups of unknown
content or those that contain cereal grains or malt;
some root beers.
Beer; ales; lagers; malted wine coolers
Soups and Casseroles
Bouillon-based broths; creamed soups or chowders
thickened with flour; most gumbos; prepared soups
with prohibited cereal grains or thickeners
Macaroni and cheese, gratins, and casseroles in a
white sauce thickened with flour (using a roux or
beurre manie); dishes served with gravy, béchamel,
veloute or espagnole sauces.
Condiments
Wheat germ oil; margarines and spreads made with
prohibited stabilizers; Olestra; most fried and
breaded foods.
Low calorie mayonnaise made with prohibited
cereal thickeners; commercial salad dressings that
contain wheat flour; dressings made with malt
vinegar; gravies; béchamel, veloute, espagnole
sauces or other sauces thickened with flour (using a
rouxs or beurre manie); low fat sour creams, low fat
cream cheese and any other low fat products made
with prohibited ingredients.
Seasonings, Dressings, and Sweets
Marinades, seasoning mixes and dips, some ground
spices and curry powders containing prohibited
ingredients; bouillon cubes; malt flavoring; brewer’s
yeast.
Malt syrup; brown rice syrup; malt extract.
Candy and other confections which contain
prohibited ingredients or are of unknown content.
Soy sauce; teriyaki sauce; prepared sauces and
condiments containing prohibited ingredients
Malt vinegar; vinegars processed with prohibited
ingredients.
Dairy Products
Flavored milks made with prohibited ingredients;
malted milk products.
Cheese food and cheese spread made with
prohibited ingredients; Roquefort cheese made with
bread mold.
Fruits and Vegetables
Fruits and pie filling containing thickeners; canned products with preservatives, emulsifiers or food starch made from prohibited grains.
Meats and Substitutes
Most luncheon meats, sausages and hot dogs
containing prohibited grains; self-basing turkeys;
animal proteins marinated using prohibited
ingredients; animal proteins in sauces made with
prohibited grains; imitation seafood; crabstick; sushi
made with crabstick (California rolls).
Seitan; soy-based meat substitutes that contain plant
proteins made with prohibited ingredients; bean dips
made with prohibited ingredients; dry roasted nuts
containing prohibited ingredients.
Everything Else
Some chewing gums.
Some toothpaste; mouthwash; medicines (especially
imported medicines); laxatives; vitamin
supplements.
Some make-up (especially lipstick and balm).
Communion wafers
Glue; play dough
The Good News
I'm pretty sure the majority of people didn't get past the word "beer" before losing all hope and loading bullets into their gun. But don't worry, here's a list of FOODS YOU CAN EAT.
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