Gluten-Free Diet: What I Can't Eat

Maybe that graphic is a little dramatic, but for the past 7 days I've had to Google every single item of food I was about to eat in order to make sure the contents are in line with my 30-day challenge of giving up gluten. You would be amazed how quick Google learns to auto-suggests "gluten free?" at the end of every "is [insert any food item]" — go ahead and try it.

To all you legitamate Celiac sufferers out there, you have my complete sympathy. I've compiled an exhaustive list of shit that you can't eat while following a gluten-free diet. And since your body has turned on you and decided that it doesn't want to handle a common occurring amino acid like gluten, and would just rather shit uncontrollably and kill your unborn children, you should probably consider avoiding the following:

Foods to Avoid

Grains and Starches

Wheat; flour; whole wheat flour; white flour; bromated flour; enriched flour; phosphated flour; self-rising flour; graham flour; durum flour; semolina; wheat germ; bran; bulgur (tabbouleh); kamut; wheat berries; couscous; spelt; faro; emmer; einkorn; triticale; atta; dinkel.

Rye; rye flour; rye bread

Barley; pearl barley; barley groats; barley flakes

Oats; oat groats; oat fiber; oat bran; oat flour

Many cereals; pasta; macaroni; noodles; spaghetti; farina; cream of wheat; dumplings; bread; bakery bread; rolls; stuffing; cake; crackers; muffins; pastries; biscuits; melba toast; zwieback; rusk; matzo; waffles; pancakes; donuts; prepared mixes; pretzel

Drinks

Instant coffee; instant tea; some herbal teas; instant cocoa with grains added.

Malted milk; Ovaltine; chocolate or flavored milk with cereal fillers added; rice or soy beverages using barley enzymes.

Beverages with flavoring syrups of unknown content or those that contain cereal grains or malt; some root beers.

Beer; ales; lagers; malted wine coolers

Soups and Casseroles

Bouillon-based broths; creamed soups or chowders thickened with flour; most gumbos; prepared soups with prohibited cereal grains or thickeners

Macaroni and cheese, gratins, and casseroles in a white sauce thickened with flour (using a roux or beurre manie); dishes served with gravy, béchamel, veloute or espagnole sauces.

Condiments

Wheat germ oil; margarines and spreads made with prohibited stabilizers; Olestra; most fried and breaded foods.

Low calorie mayonnaise made with prohibited cereal thickeners; commercial salad dressings that contain wheat flour; dressings made with malt vinegar; gravies; béchamel, veloute, espagnole sauces or other sauces thickened with flour (using a rouxs or beurre manie); low fat sour creams, low fat cream cheese and any other low fat products made with prohibited ingredients.

Seasonings, Dressings, and Sweets

Marinades, seasoning mixes and dips, some ground spices and curry powders containing prohibited ingredients; bouillon cubes; malt flavoring; brewer’s yeast.

Malt syrup; brown rice syrup; malt extract.

Candy and other confections which contain prohibited ingredients or are of unknown content.

Soy sauce; teriyaki sauce; prepared sauces and condiments containing prohibited ingredients Malt vinegar; vinegars processed with prohibited ingredients.

Dairy Products

Flavored milks made with prohibited ingredients; malted milk products.

Cheese food and cheese spread made with prohibited ingredients; Roquefort cheese made with bread mold.

Fruits and Vegetables

Fruits and pie filling containing thickeners; canned products with preservatives, emulsifiers or food starch made from prohibited grains.

Meats and Substitutes

Most luncheon meats, sausages and hot dogs containing prohibited grains; self-basing turkeys; animal proteins marinated using prohibited ingredients; animal proteins in sauces made with prohibited grains; imitation seafood; crabstick; sushi made with crabstick (California rolls).

Seitan; soy-based meat substitutes that contain plant proteins made with prohibited ingredients; bean dips made with prohibited ingredients; dry roasted nuts containing prohibited ingredients.

Everything Else

Some chewing gums.

Some toothpaste; mouthwash; medicines (especially imported medicines); laxatives; vitamin supplements.

Some make-up (especially lipstick and balm).

Communion wafers

Glue; play dough

The Good News

I'm pretty sure the majority of people didn't get past the word "beer" before losing all hope and loading bullets into their gun. But don't worry, here's a list of FOODS YOU CAN EAT.

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