Certified Wino: The Classy Way to Get Drunk

Written by Don P on . Posted in Challenge #7

(Reading time: 1 - 2 minutes)
DonDoes30.com - Wine Certification

Wine is the drink of choice for people who have never heard of beer, liquor, or fermented urine from an elderly diabetic (See #5 on that list). From the wealthiest of men all the way down the social ladder to the downtrodden homeless, wine is something we can ALL enjoy in a responsible manner or, you know, until you start crying and vomiting shades of red all over the place.

Like champagne for breakfast, wine is largely being regarded as the 'classy' way to get drunk. And those people may be right. Wines produced from a particular vintage or production year can sell for extremely high amounts; rare wines can sell even for up to $310,700. To put that into perspective, that's roughly 470,000 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

However, you can also buy bottles (or boxes) of extremely cheap, high-strength wine in copious amounts from any common liquor store. Even bum wines — or "fortified wines" for you politically correct assholes out there — usually retail for less than three dollars a bottle and pretty much only appeal to that one crazy guy who sleeps in a box and calls everyone "hammer cunt" or college students who dismiss their budding alcoholism as "partying."

The Online Wine Certification Course

No certification this month would be complete without an online course. Consider this a follow up to The Beer 101 certification course. Like Beer 101, the Wine Introduction is also FREE and teaches you the very basics of wine production and "interesting" facts. However, this course uses the most stereotypical — and comically racist — cartoon image of a Frenchman the internet could produce.

DonDoes30.com - Stereotypical French All that's missing is a white surrender flag. AMIRITE?

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