You would be amazed how easy the process was to procure a certification that will give you the power to help people turn a single drunken decision into a lifetime of permanent disfigurement and regret!
Sure tattoos theoretically could be meaningful expressions and/or thoughtful additions to your appearance, but in America we have thousands of tattoo parlors and people just don't have too many deep thoughts — most are actually pretty stupid.
The Tattoo and Body Art safety certification is an 11 hour course (completed in three) to prevent the spread of blood-borne pathogens and communicable diseases such as HIV, Hepatitis B/C, and the Dancing Plague (presumably) that are associated with tattoos.
According to the internet, now all I need is this homemade tattoo gun and some ink from an inkjet printer cartridge and you, my friend, can have this beaut adorn your face in no time!
Guess what, shitbag? Tattoos are permanent — your motivation and blood-alcohol level is not (unless you took a year to constantly get completely shitfaced ) But even in all my drunken stupors I still never closed out the night laying in a chair with a bottle of Jack in one hand while Mongo, the recently paroled biker, etched lyrics to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" into my arm. At least not yet, anyway. So...
Before You Get a Tattoo
There are some important questions to ask yourself (or others) before getting a tattoo:
- Have I wanted a tattoo for more than five minutes?
- Am I drunk off my ass or just experiencing extreme vertigo?
- Does the tattoo artist's portfolio resemble an art class for "short bus riders"?
- Did I just send a text to my friend similar to: "OMG! I just met the love of my life! We have totes been communicating at the deepest level at the bar tonight! I feel that we almost share the same soul!"? Lest you want to end up like this guy...