QWERTY: Typing Test Certification

Written by Don P on . Posted in Challenge #7

(Reading time: 1 minute)
DonDoes30.com - Typing Certificate

Sitting on your ass and typing real-world, actual words into your electric word machine has become an act of yore. Do they even teach "touch typing" on a QWERTY keyboard in school anymore? Do kids even know what QWERTY is!?

Between texting and video games, thumbs are now the strongest muscle in the human body — and that's just a sad state of affairs. You see, in the past, men and women's testicle size was directly related to the number of words-per-minute (WPM) they could pound out on a standard keyboard.

A higher WPM score on your résumé meant the difference between scoring that cushy office job, complete with a large breasted secretary who could keep a secret, versus living under an overpass, eating jellied eel from a ... Continue Reading

Tattoo Certification: Time to Stamp Some Tramps

Written by Don P on . Posted in Challenge #7

(Reading time: 1 minute)
DonDoes30.com - Tattoo Certification

You would be amazed how easy the process was to procure a certification that will give you the power to help people turn a single drunken decision into a lifetime of permanent disfigurement and regret!

Sure tattoos theoretically could be meaningful expressions and/or thoughtful additions to your appearance, but in America we have thousands of tattoo parlors and people just don't have too many deep thoughts — most are actually pretty stupid.

The Tattoo and Body Art safety ... Continue Reading

Beer: The Cause Of and Solution to All of Life's Problems

Written by Don P on . Posted in Challenge #7

(Reading time: 1 minute)
DonDoes30.com - Beer 101 Certification

Beer is great. Enough beer makes you truly believe you can dance, that you're extremely attractive, and sidesplittingly hilarious, and let's you garner enough courage to convince others of those same facts. Thus, beer has been absolutely essential in getting uncoordinated, ugly, boring, and otherwise unbangable people laid.

I'm not exactly a stranger when it comes to beer. For Christmas a few years ago, my in-laws gave me a homebrewing kit to produce beer in large quantities ... Continue Reading

Certified Wino: The Classy Way to Get Drunk

Written by Don P on . Posted in Challenge #7

(Reading time: 1 minute)
DonDoes30.com - Wine Certification

Wine is the drink of choice for people who have never heard of beer, liquor, or fermented urine from an elderly diabetic (See #5 on that list). From the wealthiest of men all the way down the social ladder to the downtrodden homeless, wine is something we can ALL enjoy in a responsible manner or, you know, until you start crying and vomiting shades of red all over the place.

Like champagne for breakfast, wine is largely being regarded as the 'classy' way to get drunk. And those ... Continue Reading

How I Got My Boating License in Less Than 6 Hours Online

Written by Don P on . Posted in Challenge #7

(Reading time: 1 minute)
DonDoes30.com - Do You Lift Nah I Got a Boat

Boating has been cool ever since a loose-knit group of explorers (and raiders), known as the Vikings, built huge ships, threw on their horned helmets, brushed their long red beards, and sailed from land to land to slaughter the largest animals they could find using swords weighing as much as a Volkswagen — and those were only the Viking women I described.

Even modern day supervillains from movies, video games and comic books have giant floating lairs armed with lasers, rocket launchers ... Continue Reading

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