Odds are in my favor that if you're reading this blog, beer is an essential staple in your diet. And why not? It's beer, the very fabric in which the worlds of both functional and dysfunctional alcoholism are held together. Beer is delicious, plentiful, and downright affordable when compared to other options; which is presumably why it's the #1 drink of choice for drunk, homeless men and Native Americans across the country. [SOURCE: Doesn't Exist]
But if you're looking to get drunk and still keep that classy look about you, then you'll want to go with wine. The beverage of sophisticates and aristocrats. There is NO wine that I know that can make you gassier than a pregnant woman at a cheese festival, capable of producing burps that shake the needle off the Richter Scale — unlike beer.
Experts will tell you that alcohol is alcohol. While true, most of us prefer a certain taste when imbibing, or even to keep up with superficial appearances in a predefined social setting. For instance, if you're caught drinking wine at a sporting event or sports bar, you should be killed immediately, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or ethnicity. For any other situation, let's take a look at the numbers: